Finding Release
by plyingfenguin writes
Summary: (Don't read if you are not up to date with the manga.) The first leg of the search for Eren Jaeger, along with the titan-shifting traitors, the search for the retribution of humanity, and the search for forgiveness. Levi's past is revealed! His questionable expression from page 13 of CH30 is explained! Angst/Drama/Romance Levi x Mikasa pairing
1. Chapter 1

This story starts off at the end of Chapter 47 when Eren was hauled off by the Armoured Titan with Bertholdt and Ymir ((and Christa)).

They got away, and the Police and the Scouts lost sight of them. Levi was sent in along with a handful of others for backup.

* * *

Mikasa crouches down, her back facing him in a ready position. "Climb on."

He is stunned but it doesn't take him awhile to respond with a negative answer.

She gets up and faces him. "With all due respect, sir, I think it's best if we conserve our gas and use mine instead. Plus, your leg hadn't fully healed yet. I take full responsibility for what happened and what's going to happen to you, sir... Please, let me do my job, sir."

He is moved but hesitates. He is set on his ways, and takes orders from no one except his superiors. He pulls rank and says, "I made, make, and will make my own choices, soldier."

They stand in an impasse, neither budging, both reluctant, and too stubborn to give in.

After the subsequent standoff, Mikasa reverts back to her former crouching position and remains unmoving.

He exhales and says in the firmest voice, "I am no dead weight, soldier."

"I am not at all implying that, sir, but the others have long left and we're losing daylight here, sir."

He thinks that too, and decides to give this round to her. He gets on Mikasa's back with a heavy heart and she waits until he's settled in.

She puts on the hood of her Scouting Legion coat and maneuvers through the forest deftly and with no apparent difficulty. Her otherwise billowing black hair is contained inside the hood but her ever present red scarf sneaks its tail out for the passenger to see. Levi plays with the threads of the red scarf thoughtfully.

The trip is a silent one but not awkwardly so. They both treasure their own personal space and what with the current situation lacks of, makes up with the private solace in each mind.

It is a long trip and Levi couldn't help but feel distressed. Nobody, not a girl or man, carried him before. He is sure he is quite heavy despite his short stature and that his own 3D Maneuver Gear is additional baggage. He wants so badly to get off of her and travel on his own.  
And if she's feeling burdened, she does not show it. She is panting, which is understandable as it has been a long trek) and he can feel her heart beating loudly but she showed no sign of slowing down.

If she hasn't earned his respect before, she surely has now.


	2. Chapter 2

They finally arrive at the building they'll be camping in on. Levi quickly gets on his feet with a thump and follows Mikasa to the building.  
They are shown to their respective sleeping quarters and shed their weaponry and maneuver gear.

Levi walks to the dining area to find Mikasa already there. He sits on the very end of the long table, Mikasa on his immediate right and no one on his left. There is an obvious vacant seat between her and Armin and neither, nor anyone, addresses this. All knew. It is Eren's seat.

Levi starts with his meal that consists of bread and a bland soup, the same as everyone else's. The table is noisy with conversations and light arguments. Near him though is a motionless soldier. He finishes his food and looks at her. He puts his elbow on the table and rests his head on his palm.

She is looking forward blankly. He catches Armin looking and Armin quickly looked down at what he's eating. Levi continues to stare at her when she shows no signs of discomfort or recognition, even.  
It is no use asking what's wrong. It's the empty seat.

He stands up with purpose and picks up her share of bread. He comes around, pulls her out to face him. He opens her mouth by pulling down her chin and forces the bread in.

This surprises Mikasa, as well as the others, and the banters and bickering come to a halt.  
Levi couldn't care less about the others and focuses on Mikasa, as she did with him earlier that day. "After all you've done today, you should eat."  
She remains unresponsive, possibly still shocked about receiving the 'care' rather than the other way around.  
Levi walks nearer and levels his face with hers. "Eat, Mikasa."

She slowly bites off a piece and Levi put the bread back to its plate. He then reaches for her bowl of soup and feeds her a spoonful, and another, and another.

After she had her share of spoonfed soup and a bit of bread, she mumbles a quick thank you, finishes the bowl of soup herself and pulled herself back to the table, facing and looking at nothing in particular. She is waiting for Armin to finish his meal but Armin is still gaping at what just transpired.

The whispers gradually escalate to full blown chatter. Levi goes back to his end of the table, but keeps an eye at her. She pulls the red scarf up to her nose and closes her eyes.

Levi presses his lips together tightly, his hand gripping his spoon.


	3. Chapter 3

Armin finally gets up and so did she. They leave the dining area, and Levi follows suit.

Eren's absence is apparent as the duo habitually walks with a generous amount of space between them. The silence is another telling proof as it is always Eren's passion that makes the group boisterous. Armin is still confounded about what he saw earlier on, and MIkasa is pensive.

He is just steps away from them and the rather narrow hallway carries his voice. "Mikasa."

The two paused and turned around. Armin is unsure whether he should go on walking as he was not the one called, and leave Mikasa with a complete stranger or stay with his dear friend, and a characteristically-odd but still the Lance Corporal Levi.

Levi pretty much ignored the wavering blond's presence and continued walking until he's close enough to her.

"I have to tell you something… It's regarding your past."

* * *

They are out on the grassy field and far from the building they're staying in, far from the eavesdropping gossipers and prying eyes.

It is dark but the moonlight is sufficient enough to make out each other's faces. He looks at the neutral expression on Mikasa's face half hidden with the damning scarf. Levi breathes in deeply, closes his eyes for a moment, and savors the peace before the impending storm.

"I was involved in the slave trading ten odd years ago. It was part of my underground dealings."


	4. Chapter 4

He takes another deep breath and continues on. "I knew those you and Eren murdered six(?) years ago."

Mikasa's eye twitched from above the scarf and he is sure she is listening.

"Arvin, Jacob, and Jon."

Mikasa's eyes are flaring now at the unflinching Corporal who continued looking into her eyes, devoid of any apparent emotion.

Flurries of feelings brew within Mikasa but she remained as still as possible.

"I was coming up empty for the latter part of my career. When these meatheads came upon an intel about a full Oriental woman, I approached them with an offer they could never refuse. I would have nothing to do with the Orientals, per say. I just buy them then trade them for a hefty amount of money."

Levi knows he could have worded that better and regrets what he just said the moment they left his mouth. Mikasa takes a step forward towards the Corporal with clenched fists.

She doesn't know why she didn't sock him immediately, whether it's pure respect _or_ the feeling of still being indebted to him after the Annie incident _or_ the kidnapping of Eren under her watch _or_ that she's a_ teensy bit_ curious on where this is going but she let him go on, uninterrupted.

He is conscious of how close her proximity is, and he is very aware of the power that is packed in those fists. He doesn't lose sight of her though and watches her as he relays another bit of their unfortunately-entwined past.

"I was there when it happened, the murder that you two committed. I was in the dark corner, witnessing the horror go down. I saw how Eren savagely stabbed Jacob, then Jon. I silently watched in that corner, unseen and unable to move, or to even pry my eyes away… not when I saw these kids, just barely knowing life, and now they're fighting for it. Aaron heard the scuffle and left the room he was in and saw two of his friends stabbed to death. He rushed to your savior and tried to strangle him. That was when I heard the kid speak the words of the wise. 'Fight! You must fight! If you win, you live. If you lose, you die. If you don't fight, you can't win!' It took you quite a while and he was in the brink of death before you finally stabbed Aaron in the back."

Mikasa falls to her knees, her trembling hands on both sides of her head and gripping her hair.

He can't stop, not now. He continues on with his tale, finally opening the dam he had been harboring. "That was the very same day Irvin Smith saw me with the condemning evidence of slave trading papers in my hands. He didn't give me up to the Military Police however. I was shell-shocked about what I just witnessed but one thing I am sure then, I don't want to keep doing what I was doing. I want to change. He took me under his wing as a scout."

She drops her hands on her knees and tears fell on them. He knows that she's not crying for him, _and why should she?_

Levi feels like he hit rock bottom, as if he was having a very delayed reaction. All the guilt and conscience he repressed and kept bottled up broke free and he staggers. He sees the fetal position the girl who graduated at the top of her batch is in, and he kneels and slumps.

"I- I know this can never be enough but- " He grits out but is stopped by a hard blow to his left cheek. He falls on his side and feels something firm and strong trap him down the ground.

Succeeding blows limit both his eyes and mouth from opening and he is thankful. It is enough that he can hear her incoherent slurs and broken sobs, bad enough that he can feel her solid punches land on his face, shoulders, and chest. He doesn't protest or fight back. He knows he has no right to. He just laid there motionless, trying to breathe through the endless flow of the rusty crimson liquid, trying (and failing) to hold back the tears of pain, regret, and guilt. He suffers underneath her howling as his revelation reopened loosely-stitched wounds and dripped hot acidic solution over them.

She is screaming her throat raw, releasing all her jumbled ménage of emotions the only way she knows how. She disregards the breaking of bones and the silent cry of overused muscles and continues on, until her energy is spent, until she can speak no more, until she can't cry anymore… until she succumbs to the peaceful oblivion.

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	5. NOT A CHAPTER (Author's Note)

I'm pulling out Chapter 5 because after watching (aka seeing gifs of it ((havent got the time u see))) the latest episode of snk, I decided on taking a different route with this story. I'll be updating as soon as I can, maybe later on this week or early next week.

P.S. My original plan is for this story to have at most five chapters with an epilogue of some sort. So, thanks for sticking with me! I'll be posting the last chapter(s) soon! ILY


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